Saturday, January 23, 2010

I face the horizon everywhere I go

^art from this cute Etsy shop
Saturdays are my do your schoolwork days, but at this point in the semester I can get away with putting off most of my work until Sunday afternoons. It's in light of this truth that I have been mostly unproductive today. I went and coached 6 precious cherubs in Upwards this morning, then I made a fort out of fleece blankets (sorry I didn't take a picture) and watched Megg Ryan fall in love through email but despise the man when they met in real life, which honestly I completely understand because let's face it, people are so much more charming in words and theory than they are in person. I did do some yoga and a dance workout, which was fabulously cheesy and wonderful, but then I got sucked into watching a lifetime movie which probably negates everything good I even thought about today. This channel is straight up ridiculous...but clearly my tv is still on it...go ahead judge.

Anyways, now that you know what my physical day has looked like, I'll introduce you to my mental day. It started off with the intention of doing Upwards, watching and analyzing a Russian production of the play Hamlet (with no subtitles!?) for class, then letting my brain relax with a movie night. I've told you before, and I'll remind you now, I'm the worst at accomplishing things on my lists. I only really did one thing off my list, but I have been thinking all day so I feel like it all works out. Here's what I've been thinking about:

1. The Pregnancy Pact (a lifetime movie premiering tonight) - dumb

2. MC Fuge friends - best ever, missing them fiercely

3. My apartment - dirty. like my car. not ok.

4. Makeup - completely over it right now. also the blowdryer

5. This last point needed to start with a "t" word for my silly formalist ideals, but really it's about me and something I realized I was not happy with today. I'm constantly seeing and thinking about how people are so bad at investing in each other-about how we may actually care about each other, but we never show each other. That breaks my heart. Maybe I'm being dramatic because I'm about to GRADUATE, and I'm realizing how important relationships are. It's a lot more intense than it was making the transition from highschool to college. Now people really are going to go their own ways (and Fleetwood Mac will be stuck in my head for a week). It's been clumps of friends go to this school, clumps go to that one, and with a weekend roadtrip here and there you see them all- plus they all come home for holidays and summers, so right about the time you miss them, there they are. What happens when those clumps of people break up, and it's individuals here and there and all over? And when everyone is separated, will they keep in touch? If you have a connection with them, the answer should be yes, so then I pondered whether or not I have good connections with the people I love. And honestly, I feel like I've failed some of them. If we're on a you-know-my-fav-color and I know what you order at Starbucks level, and I haven't texted, called, or written you a letter in the last week, I'm sorry. I don't think I'm doing a thorough job of really pouring into my friends right now-of knowing their lives, holding them accountable, and encouraging them. I feel like I've been selfish. I'm not worried about graduation, I'm really not (I'm getting tired of answering well-meaning sweet people's probing questions that I don't really have answers for, but no worry), so then why have I been devoting more time to thinking through May 2010 and beyond than I have to my friends?

So here we are. That's my day in a nutshell, and if you are one of those people I've neglected, please accept my most sincere apologies then let me know what's going on with you and how I can pray for you. Life is good, so let's make the most of it together :)

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